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Unirea: Din grupa morţii în groapa cu amorţiţi

cea mai nouă analiză de pe IQads: am scris-o singur, fără Ana Militaru, dar nu complet lipsit de aportul ei, care l-a chestionat acum o săptămînă pe Codin Caradimu (CAP), copywriterul spoturilor Unirea

Dacă publicitatea ar fi o minge, entuziasmul ar fi aerul care o ţine umflată. Dacă în primăvara-vara lui 2008, mai toate campaniile s-au legat de participarea României la Euro 2008, puţini sînt advertiserii care au luat în calcul şi eventualităţi mai puţin vesele. Parcă dinadins s-a evitat ipoteza – în fond, cea mai realistă – ca naţionala României să fie eliminată încă din faza grupelor…
Aşa se face că, în clipele cele mai amare, în zilele cele mai triste, ne trezim inoportunati de aceleaşi evocări glorioase ale “băieţilor noştri”, cu aceleaşi îndemnuri triumfale, concepute parcă pentru campionii absoluţi ai universului! La tot pasul, dăm de cîte un tricolor cu zîmbet de plastic şi mingea în suspensie deasupra genunchiului; sau de cîte o familie ţopăind cu pretext microbistic pentru absolut orice ţîşti-bîşti care se poate cumpăra. Un zapping lejer şi… armate întregi de microbişti năvălesc peste tine, silindu-te să te bucuri, să-ţi împărtăşeşti emoţiile şi, în ultima instanţă, să îţi dai banii cu un plus de frenezie! Pentru că pasămite “aşa se face de Euro”… – Chiar şi atunci cînd naţionala a fost eliminată? Chiar şi atunci cînd vehiculul favorit al transporturilor noastre emoţionale tocmai a fost retras la depou? Să strigăm gol, chiar şi atunci cînd gol nu am prea dat, ci… dimpotrivă?
Şi atunci, după zece seara, ni se arată – mai mult decît consolarea – adevărul! Ni se arată Unirea – cel mai recent episod cu “Vestigiile” (mai nou şi în versiunea scurtă cu “Craniul“). Mai mult decît o altă variaţiune pe tema echipei de încurcă-lume, noua producţie se nimereşte a fi o alegorie comică a isprăvilor fotbalistice naţionale. Iată-i pe aceşti împleticiţi cum fac zarvă în jurul unei “mingii” pe care o lovesc ca nişte autentici ciumeţi! Le lipsesc doar echipamentul galben şi crampoanele din tălpi, că în rest ăia sînt: aceleaşi fumuri, aceleaşi răcnete, acelaşi tupeu fără temei. Sînt ei, reprezentativa naţională de papagali în toate domeniile, de la fotbal la lucrări edilitare, funciare şi, mai nou, arheologice! Nu sînt tocmai unsprezece, dar n-are importanţă: îi identifică fiecare dintre noi “la plăcere”. Singurul care izbuteşte o foarfecă spectaculoasă e Dorel, cel care invariabil greşeşte ceva (întrucît munceşte ceva): tăcut cum e, poate întruchipa un Mutu (care dă un gol dintr-o bucată în standul cu amfore, dar din exces de zel pierde calificarea)… sau un Nicoliţă (luat la mişto că “prea se agită”) ori poate un Lobonţ (plăpînd şi neajutorat), după dispoziţia fiecăruia dintre noi.
Să mai spun că e genul de reflecţii pe care îl face cu precădere targetul Unirii? Să mai spun ca un păhărut ciocnit cu tovarăşii pare leacul consolator cel mai potrivit pentru depresia post-Euro?
Din cît se pare, nu a fost o strategie, nicidecum o anticipaţie – programarea în timpul şi în preajma campionatului a acestui episod profetic din seria Unirea. A fost pur şi simplu, la origini, o platformă de comunicare zdravană, îndeajuns de generoasă şi de bine caracterizată, încît să prilejuiască dezvoltări epice infinite (putem genera oricîte: Dorel & echipa la amenajări în magazinul de porţelanuri; la refacut calea de rulare înaintea vreunei delegaţii la nivel înalt etc.), ci mai mult – reflecţia amuzată asupra tuturor acestor situaţii tipic româneşti. De peste cinci ani se tot spune, din editorialele celor mai serioşi gazetari pînă-n intervenţiile cele mai trăznite ale forumiştilor: saga echipei lui Dorel e o reprezentare a românităţii “în acţiune”. Dacă s-a întîmplat ca noile isprăvi ale “nemuncitorilor” să corespundă cu eşecurile reprezentativei de anti-fotbal, e pentru că amîndouă derivă din acelaşi mood românesc al ratării, din aceeaşi viziune a lumii prin păhăruţul năclăit.
Miza culturală, istorică, axiologică; tataia arheolog cu cioburile lui; lemnoasa expresie “de o valoare inestimabilă” – sînt toate ceea ce trebuie să fie, într-o bună tradiţie a gafelor candide din publicitate, de la rastamanul înfulecător de Smash din deceniul trecut pînă la puştiul răzgîiat din reclama la BCR Asigurări, care distruge “letopiseţul Ţării Moldovei” în chiar mîinile muzeografului.
Să încingi o miuţă cu ţeasta vreunui rege scit e însă o gogomănie atît de enormă ca semnificaţie, încît reinstituie toate standardele pe care (aparent) le spulberase; şi (re)zideşte o structură culturala solida tocmai cu un mesaj care exprimă contrariul! Cel puţin doua targeturi sînt mulţumite: unul de foarte sus, care se complace în reflecţii sarcastice, CTP-iste, asupra felului nostru românesc de a ne desconsidera (şi chiar a ne anihila) istoria; şi unul foarte de jos, care va savura eliberarea de sub constrîngerile sociale şi instituţionale. Sînt cele doua target-uri Unirea: primul – mai puţin reliable în privinta consumului, dar care întreţine prestigiul paradoxal al brand-ului; şi al doilea – consumatorii fideli, dedicati, cei care in loc de toata vorbaria asta ar trage o gluma groasa si, in secunda urmatoare, ar zvîcni cotul în sus, cu pricepere.
- Maestre, ţambalul…

318 Responses to Unirea: Din grupa morţii în groapa cu amorţiţi

  1. paulaionescu Says:

    Si eu am remarcat faptul ca, daca ar fi sa judecam strict dupa reclame, am crede ca Romania este pe drumul spre castigarea campionatului. :D

    Singurii care probabil se bucura sunt retailerii. Daca Romania castiga aveau niste sume frumusele de inapoiat. :P

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