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Prognoza mea pe 2008 (graţie lui Vică)

arhivă @ 23 December 2007

În ultimul Supliment de Cultură din 2007, Constantin Vică a provocat încă 3 firi zbîrnîietoare să profeţească asupra noului an: Cristian Neagoe (misionar al românismului în Lumea Nouă), Ştefan Tiron aka Megatron şi Florin Dumitrescu aka Textier (pentru prima dată auto-revelat sub adevărata sa personalitate, anume Dementie Futurescu, futurolog în timpul mai mult decît liber al transelor aiurizante); Vică însuşi aflîndu-se într-o stare de clarviziune fabulospirituală. Citiţi întregul Dosar “Trenduri culturale & nu numai” şi intraţi în 2008 cu protecţia sorţii gata făcută.
Reiau mai jos profeţiile mandelice… (senzaţional:) acum şi cu diacritice!


foto: selfpursuit.com

De 3 ori E! pentru un 2008-im
(aiurări translucide)

de Florin Dumitrescu (alias Dementie Futurescu)

Am adormit la televizor în ultima noapte cu furtună. M-am trezit în faţa ecranului cu purici. (Vreo pană de curent întrerupsese cablul.) Buimăceala îmi dădea o stare extrasenzorială neobişnuită. Atunci mi s-a întîmplat nemaiîntîmplatul. În acea transmisie catodică atît de neomenească, denumită tehnic „zgomot alb”, eu, Dementie Futurescu (cunoscut de profani ca Florin Dumitrescu) am văzut semnul: era un mare E, ivit de trei ori printre grăunţele mişcătoare, ca o epifanie: E… E… E… Cele trei dîre orizontale ale literei mi-au străpuns de trei ori ochii ca un trident ţîşnit din învolburarea oceanului de particule-unde.
Solicitarea extremă a întregii fiinţe m-a adormit la loc (sau o fi fost un leşin?)… În vis mi s-a desluşit totul, aşa cum m-am grăbit să notez mai apoi, în stare cît de cît lucidă:
E de la Ecologie: 2008 va fi verde. Chiar aşa era primul E – verde… ca o pace verde. Prin el am întrezărit mari mişcări de trupe civile, nonviolente şi altermondialiste. Nu neapărat ieşiri în stradă, la ars blănuri sau pedalat în pielea goală (astea vor fi deja rutină: pielea va protesta pe toate drumurile, ca o nouă flamură, care nu reprezintă, nu simbolizează, ci etalează, expune, manifestă la propriu). Conştienţi sau nu, tot mai mulţi trăitori în 2008 vor îmbrăţişa curentul „eco”: unii aşa, de fiţe; alţii din instinct de înregimentare; şi alţii – nu prea mulţi, dar suficienţi să ţină aprinsă flama verde – chiar din conştiinţă. Tot mai mulţi se vor convinge că altă cale nu este pentru noi şi mai ales pentru urmaşii noştri. (Spaimă escatologică sau instinct de conservare? Nu ştiu să spun…) Anticonsumerismul va fi noua cauză, noul „something to be”. Lupta de clasă va fi înlocuită cu lupta de casă (de marcat). Unii vor pune tunul pe marile corporaţii (sprijiniţi de jucătorii mai mici, care, sub slogane generozitare, vor vîna firimituri din marele ospăţ). În replică, coloşii industriei vor mima atît de credibil că „le pasă”, încît lumea tot pe ei îi va crede: pe marii poluatorii că salvează Amazonia; pe marii otrăvitori că însănătoşesc planeta; pe marii dezinformatori că ne mîntuiesc sufletul. Al Gore va fi propus pentru preşedinţia ONU (între timp a luat şi Nobel-ul pentru pace – prevăzusem eu)… În librării va domni Coelho (nimic nou, decît doar că va primi girul tot mai multor intelectuali credibili); iar în magazinele de muzică – Manu Chao, care va trece la rafturile de mainstream. Noi aici îi vom redescoperi pe Alecsandri şi Coşbuc: poemul filozofic va fi depăşit în prestigiu de pastelurile cu mult „sentiment al naturii”; romanul psihologic va pierde teren în faţa impresiilor de călătorie: pregătiţi-vă de conversaţii pe teme din Hogaş şi Dumbrava minunată!
E de la Ecumenism: 2008 va fi bălţat. Al doilea E aşa îmi apăruse: caleidoscopic, proteic şi curcubeic. Printre cele trei braţe ale sale am văzut cum Estul invadează Vestul şi Sudul – Nordul, cu şi mai mare forţă spirituală, cu şi mai mult avînt ideologic ca pînă acum. Ne vom închina la zei-elefanţi androgini şi la profeţi fără chip. Istorica succesiune dintre iconism şi iconoclasm o vom consuma accelerat, ca pe moda la pantofi. Vom fi cînd zen, cînd tao; cînd Ghandi, cînd Mao; vom face aikido ca să ne prelungim apetitul sexual şi kamasutra ca să slăbim. Îi vom persecuta pozitiv pe cei cu pielea închisă. Vom cădea într-un rasism adulatoriu faţă de negri: căci doar cîntă mai bine, dansează mai natural şi cîştigă toate probele de atletism (în primul rînd pe acelea care ne obsedează lubric şi teluric). România îşi va găsi propăşirea tocmai datorită percepţiei eronate – atît de odioasă pînă mai deunăzi – de ţară a romilor. Ceea ce nu e chiar falacios, din moment ce în România trăiesc cei mai mulţi ţigani. O confuzie nu tocmai întîmplătoare… Deja prin „latin” se înţelege (şi) amerindianul cu profil incaş şi ochi mongoloizi. Acum prin „romanic” se va înţelege rom, boemian, romantic, ergo… sînge de ţigan! Ceea ce va fi un mare atu pentru această ţara, cu steag în culorile primare şi nume amintind de Romany (engl. = ţigănie). Vom fi şucari şi bengoşi! Se vor înghesui turistele nordice să ne admire bronzul nativ şi vom suferi care din noi nu-l avem… Se vor împotrivi la început destui, cam aceiaşi care au acceptat greu să-l vindem pe Vlad Ţepeş vampir…

E de la Escapism: 2008 va fi străveziu ca aerul, apa şi razele. Recunosc, pe E-ul ăsta l-am zărit cel mai difuz, cel mai sticlos, cel mai iluzoriu. Dar am înţeles că el le înglobează, prin suprapunere paradoxală, pe celelalte două. Am ştiut că nu vine de la „evazionism”, termen cu nuanţă plăpîndă, leneşă, de surogat telenovelistic. În 2008 nu doar vom mai evada spre alte lumi. Vom fi ÎN ele. Le vom cuceri, le vom crea, le vom trăi. Că vor fi ele lumi virtuale, vieţi secunde, matrici generative de noi realităţi; sau tărîmuri reale şi palpabile, pe care le vom vizita tot mai lesne şi mai des, în vacanţe şi deplasări de serviciu – ele ne vor îmbogăţi cognitiv şi ne vor da mai mult contur existenţial. Cu alte cuvinte, va fi marfă. În toate sensurile: va spori comerţul de idei, import-exportul de năravuri, traficul de creiere şi glande. Concediile vor fi exotice şi active. Vom pescui rechini din ocean şi le vom da drumul înapoi, după ce le vom pune plombe la toate cele trei rînduri de dinţi. Marea modă va fi cea a safariurilor răsturnate: vom captura pui de elefanţi orfani, ca să-i alăptăm cu vadra; şi lei fioroşi, ca să-i masăm pe coamă, aşa, de antistress… Ţiriac va creşte mistreţi ca să repopuleze pădurile; ţarcul vec
hilor masacre din Bihor îl va umple cu piticii de grădină din reclamă, pentru distracţia copiilor. Va fi un model afacere profitabilă. Căci ne vom uita tot mai puţin la reclame şi vom face tot mai mulţi copii…

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